Author : William Stewart
Marriage is a God ordained institution, created for man’s benefit and enjoyment. In Genesis 2:18, the Lord said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Thus, we read, “…the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.’ Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” (Genesis 2:21-25).
Recently, I was asked to speak in a lecture program with the general theme: “God has the answers to all problems.” My assigned topic was “Marriage Problems.” It seems to me that marriage problems are almost as old as the institution of marriage itself. In Genesis 3, we are witness to the very first, as Adam blamed his transgression on his wife, Eve. The Bible makes no attempt to disguise or cover the difficulties which various characters of history met in marriage. We could spend much time in discussion of the troubles which can and have destroyed marriages, but let us skip over such a discussion, and go directly to some Biblical counsel on how to make a marriage successful.
COMMUNICATION
The primary key to any relationship is communication. The more intimate the nature of one’s conversation, the more intimate the relationship will be. For example, our devotion (or lack thereof) to the Lord is noticeable in the amount of time we spend studying His word and praying to Him. The closeness of our relationship will be determined by effort we put into both sides of our conversation, both talking and listening.
So it is in the marriage relationship, that we must be effective communicators, both in speech and in listening. In 1 Peter 3:7, we read, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.” Ask most men if they understand women, the immediate answer will be “NO”. Well fellows, the Lord commands that we understand one woman — our wife. And the way we will do so is by effective communication.
The words “I love you” are needed words in any successful marriage. However, they are not just to be carelessly uttered without thought. As we would express our great love for the Lord and what He means to us, we should do so for the our spouse.
CONCERN
In 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, Paul makes the statements, “…he who is married cares about the things of the world – how he may please his wife….she who is married cares about the things of the world – how she may please her husband….” In the context, Paul is illustrating the benefit of remaining unmarried, in that one can focus all his or her efforts on serving the Lord. What I simply want us to note is that the apostle understood, and expected that husbands and wives would be concerned with how they might please one another.
Ephesians 5 provides a wonderful example of the mutual concern which should exist in a marriage. Paul compares the husband/wife relationship with Christ’s relationship to the church. As Jesus loved the church enough to give Himself for her, husbands must so love their wives. As the church is cleansed by the Lord, and walks holy and without blemish before Him in submission, so wives ought to submit to their husbands in holy conduct. “…let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33).
COMMITMENT
Often our focus in Matthew 19 is the exception for which the Lord allows divorce (v 9), however, I would suggest the primary teaching of the text is the Lord’s will for marriage. And His desire is that “…a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh…” (v 5). Having declared the Lord’s design, Jesus concludes, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (v 6). A successful marriage requires commitment.
Too often, folks getting married today have a vow which is worded, “…so long as love shall last.” Such a vow sets aside the Lord’s will for a couple. However, even if two declare, “…till death do us part…”, they must each have the absolute commitment that the marriage will prosper and continue till death separates.
COMPANIONSHIP
The idea of companionship is integrated with each of the components we have mentioned herein. The wonderful companionship which belongs to a marriage will not be found if the proper communication, concern and commitment are not. However, if these all abound in a marriage will be what the Lord intended it to be, the most intimate relationship known on earth.
In Hebrews 13:4, we read, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” The physical companionship which the Lord planned for a man and his wife is an honorable and pleasant abode. Of this sexual intimacy, which is only honorable in the marriage relationship, Paul writes, “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). What a wonderful responsibility and absolute joy the Lord has given both husband and wife.
There is no reason why any marriage should fail. If the participants conduct themselves according to the Lord’s pattern, it will be an amazing blessing shared between two persons. It is not a 50/50 proposal, but an 100/100 proposal. It is not a master/slave relationship, but each one has a God-given role to fill. It is not a buddy/buddy relationship, but a the closest earthly relationship known to mankind. Let us all work diligently on our marriages, that they might be to God’s glory.
