Author : William Stewart
reprinted from “…And They Shall Become One Flesh”
available on Amazon.com in Kindle format.
Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah… Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors. (Genesis 29:30; 37:3)
Dealing With Deceptions
At the request of his parents, Jacob went to Padan Aram, seeking a wife from the daughters of Laban (Genesis 28:2). Having arrived in the land, Jacob saw Rachel coming to the well (Genesis 29:6-10). His affection for her is immediately evident, as he “…kissed Rachel, and lifted up his voice and wept” (verse 11). He had found the woman he wished to marry. His love is summarized well in Genesis 29:20, “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.”
When his years of service for Rachel were complete, he asked Laban for her. Laban threw a feast for his daughter’s marriage to Jacob, and then brought his daughter to him in the evening. However, it was not until the next morning that Jacob realized that it was not Rachel whom he was with, but Leah (Genesis 29:21-25). Laban did no service for either of his daughters, nor his nephew, for the polygamist relationship which he encouraged would bring manifold sorrow and turmoil to them.
Few if any today will ever be in this particular circumstance, but deceptions are equally real and possible in our lives today. It may be perpetrated by an in-law, as in Jacob’s case; or by “friends”, or even by your spouse. The consequence of some deceptions are life-altering, as was the case for Jacob, Leah, and Rachel.
How do we deal with it when we have been deceived? Retaliation is often our first instinct, but it is not the proper course (Romans 12:17-21). We need to look for solutions, not perpetuation of the problems created. Humility, patience, faith and faithfulness are essential.
Hurt Feelings & Lack Of Control
There are some questions which arise when we consider Jacob’s marriage(s). Was his marriage to Leah “valid”? Should he have also married Rachel a week later? How did Jacob not know that it was Leah, and not Rachel?
What does Jacob do? Remain with Leah, and give up Rachel, the woman he truly loves? Put Leah away, and demand Rachel? But Laban may not give her to him then. Remain married to Leah, and take Rachel to be his wife also? What a mess!!
Laban agreed to give Jacob both daughters, Leah and Rachel (Genesis 21:26-28). Perhaps this seemed to be the best solution for all involved – it was not. Consider a short log of some of the troubles which arose.
In the end, Jacob had two wives (sisters) who completely despised one another, and two additional wives (maids).
When troubles arise, it is important to consider very diligently what the best course of action is. Sometimes what we perceive to be a solution is more self-serving than problem solving, and may result in more, and unforeseen problems. It is obvious that the decision arrived at by Jacob and Laban (were Leah and Rachel even considered) did not promote intimacy and trust in the marriage relationship.
Possessive Parents
Jacob sought to leave Padan Aram, and to return to the land of Canaan, but Laban convinced him otherwise (Genesis 30:25-27). Laban was an unrighteous man, described by Jacob as one who had “…deceived me and changed my wages ten times…” (Genesis 31:7, 41). Though Rachel and Leah did not see eye to eye on many things, they did agree regarding their father, “Are we not considered strangers by him? For he has sold us, and also completely consumed our money” (Genesis 31:15).
Jacob’s departure is characterized as fleeing on account of fear (Genesis 31:21, 31), which speaks of the character of his father-in-law. Three days after Jacob departed, Laban became aware of it and pursued him. Hear the patriarch’s words, and notice his disposition:
What have you done, that you have stolen away unknown to me, and carried away my daughters like captives taken with the sword? Why did you flee away secretly, and steal away from me, and not tell me; for I might have sent you away with joy and songs, with timbrel and harp? And you did not allow me to kiss my sons and my daughters. Now you have done foolishly in so doing. It is in my power to do you harm, but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Be careful that you speak to Jacob neither good nor bad’ (Genesis 31:26-29).
And again,
These daughters are my daughters, and these children are my children, and this flock is my flock; all that you see is mine. But what can I do this day to these my daughters or to their children whom they have borne? (Genesis 31:43-44)
How destructive it can be for a marriage when the parents of either spouse exert control in the relationship. Laban did so with Jacob, Rachel, and Leah for 20 years! Laban was so oppressive that he completely disregarded Jacob – he was nothing more than an acquired servant to him. He considered all that was Jacob’s (wives, children, goods) to be his!
We must never allow our parents to control our marriage. They may provide wise counsel at times, and certainly are not expected to abandon all contact with their child, but the umbilical cord must be severed — the marriage consists of man and wife, not man, wife and in-laws.
Favouritism & Its Fruit
There is no indication that either Leah or Rachel favoured one child over another, though one can almost be certain that they favoured their own children above the other’s. However, with Jacob, there was an obvious favourite – Joseph (Genesis 37:3-4).
Jacob repeated the error of his parents, placing his affections for one child above the others. Being a favoured child himself, he may not have known all the upheaval such caused in the lives of the others. And yet, he was certainly aware of the pure anger which resulted in his own brother against him. He may have reasoned, ‘It will be different with my children.’ It was not. Joseph was the object of his brothers’ hatred. So much so, that they would eventually sell him into slavery (though some wanted to kill him), and return his coat, torn and stained with goat’s blood, to Jacob, leaving him with the conclusion that his son had been killed by a beast. It behooves the next generation to learn from the errors of their predecessors; learn and do not repeat. If you were a favoured child, do not favour one of your children. The hostility which happened among your siblings (even if you didn’t know about it, it was there) will also consume your own children.
