Question
please I want to get a vital interpretation on 1 corinthians 7 and other passages that talks about marriage. I want to know if we as members of church of christ are bound to marry only from the lord’s church and anything contrary to this will be defiance to the will of god. I will appreciate your brotherly response.
Answer
Keith Sharp
Thank you for your good question. I will do my best to answer it scripturally.
Aside from 1 Corinthians 7, it is certainly always best for a Christian to marry another Christian. The closest companion one has is his marriage partner (Ephesians 5:31). And our companions have a great influence on us spiritually. “Do not be deceived: ‘bad company corrupts good morals'” (1 Corinthians 15:33). Furthermore, it is hard enough to raise children to be faithful to the Lord (Ephesians 6:4) without having a marriage companion who is either no help or a hindrance.
The passage to which you refer is 1 Corinthians 7:39: “a wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the lord.”
The meaning of the phrase “in the Lord” varies depending mainly on its context. It can certainly refer to being a Christian (Romans 16:11). But it can also mean “in harmony with the Lord’s will.” The apostle Paul commands, “Children, obey your parents in the lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1). He does not mean that children should obey their parents only if they are Christians but that children should obey their parents as long as the parents’ will does not contradict the lord’s will.
If Paul requires that widows marry Christians, he has set a requirement for them that the Lord has not set for other people. I know of no compelling, scriptural reason to take this position. So my position is that he requires widows, along with all, to marry someone whom they have the right to marry, a man who has the scriptural right to marry.
So, I believe, while it is best for every faithful Christian to marry another faithful Christian, it is not sinful for a Christian to marry a non-Christian who has the right to marry.
Brotherly,
Keith Sharp
Follow Up Question
The reason for asking this question is because marriage related issues have become a problem now in Nigeria particularly form the area I worship, I don’t know about other places to be precise.
The position the leaders of the church in this vicinity have taken is that whoever marries outside the church stands disfellowshipped, that is at the initial stage until recently when our men began to convert their intending wives to eventually marry them within a short space of time from the time of conversion which has left our ladies with no option than to keep waiting and waiting for a man but to no avail. God can not be fooled and he is not an author of confusion. Yes, I quite agree that it is very good to marry in the Lord, that is if you find your match within but it is not a must I question? Put me right if am wrong here brother. I am really confused here because our parents are frustrating our ladies in the name of “must marry a member of the lord’s church or never.”
Brother, I am really confused in this regard because from no way to marry outside the church to now, you are free to convert and marry, I don’t know if that is the gospel that we now preach because virtually all our men are in one relationship or the other with most ladies outside the church and then, what happens to our ladies? We know it will be hard for a lady to convert a man in the name of marriage, I don’t think its possible here because of pride, friends and family of the man.
Brother, this is an issue that calls for great concern here in Nigeria especially in the eastern part of Nigeria.
Answer
Keith Sharp
Thank you for having the confidence in me to ask that I assist you to settle this very important question in your mind. Your second response has deepened both my concern for and understanding of your plight. I will try to answer cautiously, plainly, and, above all, in harmony with the Scriptures.
Obviously you are concerned with more than the remarriage of widows, and probably the passage that troubles you is 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1. Please notice two very important facts about this scripture. It never mentions the marriage relationship. Further, rather than forbidding to enter a relationship, Paul forbids being in that relationship.
I will develop each point. The passage applies to every relationship of the Christian’s life: economic, social, civic, religious, family. It applies to business partnerships as much as marriage. If it is sinful to marry an unbeliever, it is an iniquity to be in business with an unbeliever. The apostle does not forbid being in relationships with non-Christians; he forbids sharing in their sins. Christians cannot participate in the unauthorized worship of denominations, share in the dishonest business practices of unbelievers, drink alcohol and dance with worldly people, participate in government bribery, or agree to raise their children as Catholics in order to marry a Catholic. We must be separate from the sins of unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:17) and cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit (2 Corinthians 7:1).
The apostle forbids Christians to remain in sinful relationships. He does not say, “Do not become [unequally – not in New American Standard Bible] yoked”; he says, “Do not be unequally yoked.” If it is a sin to marry an unbeliever, it is a sin to remain married to an unbeliever. But Paul specifically tells Christians married to unbelievers to remain with them (1 Corinthians 7:12-13).
It is not a sin for a Christian to marry an unbeliever, unless it places the Christian in the position of sharing the sins of that unbeliever. But it is sinful to remain in any relationship that forces us to share in the sins of unbelievers.
But, there is the “good” and the “better.” Paul wrote First Corinthians at a time the church in Corinth was going through tribulation (1 Corinthians 7:26). In that context, a single person who married did “well,” but one who remained single did “better” (1 Corinthians 7:38).
A Christian who marries an unbeliever who has the right to marry and who has righteous character does not sin. But a Christian who marries another Christian who has the right to marry and who has righteous character does better. They can help each other go to heaven, which is the most important consideration in any relationship (Matthew 6:33), and they can assist each other to raise up godly offspring (Malachi 2:15).
I would caution young single men who are Christians against looking at the wrong thing. Before the flood, righteous men saw the physical beauty of unrighteous women and married them (Genesis 6:1-2). The result eventually was “that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually” (Genesis 6:5). Both young men and young women need to be far more concerned about the character than the physical attractiveness of the one whom they want to have as their closest companion throughout life.
It Is A Sin To Marry A Non-Christian
Pat Donahue
Harvest, Alabama, USA
1 Corinthians 9:5
Is it right for a Christian to marry one who is not a Christian? The answer is “no.” I Corinthians 9:5 reads, “Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?”
The fact that Paul specifies that he had the power, or right, to take a sister (a Christian) for a wife, shows that it would not have been right for him to marry a woman who was not a sister. Someone might say that indeed, Paul had the right to marry a sister, but he didn’t have to, the same way Paul had a right “to forbear working” (v.6), yet he didn’t choose to in this case (vs.15,18). Their point is that a right doesn’t always imply a requirement, which is true. But the parallel in verse 5 is that Paul had the right to get married, but he that could forgo his right to marriage if he so chose. However, if he did decide to get married, he could only have chosen a “wife that is a believer” (ASV); that is explicitly specified. Why else would Paul have stipulated “a sister?”
Some have made the point that Paul was only saying he could only take a believing wife on a preaching trip, but does anybody really believe that if a preacher is married to an unbeliever, he cannot take her with him whenever he preaches? When you consider that Paul is single when writing this, and that he says it in the context of his right to take support when preaching, it is obvious that Paul is stating his right to have a family and take financial support for that family, just like any other Christian would have that right.
Two Parallels
Let me give some parallels to illustrate. In discussing a law that says that all dogs must be fenced, someone might point out that the law also says that “an owner can walk his dog on a leash.” What would that stipulation mean? It would mean that the owner has the right to walk his dog on the street (outside of the fence), but that he didn’t have to exercise that right; he might choose to never walk his dog. But if he did walk his dog, the dog would have to be on a leash; that is required. That is easy to understand. Then why not likewise with I Corinthians 9:5?
What if a 15 year old said, “I have the right to drive a car with a learner’s permit, and with an adult in the car.” He would be saying that he had the right to drive, but since it was a right (not a requirement), he did not have to drive a car. However, the two stipulations specified are not optional. If the young man chose to drive, he must first get his learner’s permit, and he must have an adult with him at all times. Similarly, everybody ought to be able to see clearly that the stipulation “a sister” in I Corinthians 9:5 makes it a sin (transgression of the law, I John 3:4) to marry a wife that is not a sister.
What If Already Married To An Unbeliever?
What about a Christian that is already married to an unbeliever? Does this mean that the believer should leave the unbeliever? Absolutely not! I Corinthians 7:12-13 reads, “…If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.”
David Sinned When He Married Bathsheba, But Was Allowed To Keep Her
Some use I Corinthians 7:12-13 to argue that it is not a sin for a Christian to marry a non-Christian. They reason that if it is right to stay in a marriage with an unbeliever, it must not be a sin to marry an unbeliever in the first place. But their assumption can be disproved by the case of David. II Samuel 12:9,10 makes it clear that David sinned when he married Bathsheba, but he was definitely allowed to stay in the marriage.
A mistake is made when this type of situation is paralleled with the case of a man who unscripturally divorces his wife and remarries. The difference in the two is that in the case of marrying an unbeliever, it is unlawful to enter into the union, but the union itself is not unlawful (I Corinthians 7:14), while in the case of divorce and remarriage, it is unlawful to enter into the union, the union itself is unlawful (Mark 6:18), and the sexual relations following the initiation of the marriage are unlawful (Matthew 19:9). So in the former case, the Christian must repent of his action of entering into the marriage with the non-Christian, but since the union itself is lawful, he must stay in the marriage (I Corinthians 7:12-13). In the case of the latter, the adultery needs to be stopped, and the marriage union must be dissolved (no they cannot continue to live under the same roof as long as they abstain from sexual contact).
Other Illustrations
You sin when swear you to do something (Matthew 5:34, James 5:12) and you must repent, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to follow through on your agreement. Also, God didn’t want the Israelites to have a King, but he gave them what they asked for (to their detriment). Likewise God does not want us to marry a non-Christian, but if we choose to make that decision, we have to live with the consequences.
Why Even Raise The Question Answered In 1 Corinthians 7:12-15?
Not only does I Corinthians 7:12-15 not teach that it is right for a Christian to marry an unbeliever, Paul’s answer in this passage that a Christian should stay with an unbeliever (if already married to them) most likely presupposes that it is a sin to marry a non-Christian, else why would the Corinthians have thought that they might have to leave their non-Christian spouses, if they didn’t understand that it was a sin to marry them in the first place? I Corinthians 7:14 seems to confirm this when it makes the argument that these type unions are lawful, “else were your children unclean” (illegitimate). Why would anybody have reason to even think that the children produced from such a relationship would be illegitimate, unless it was because it was a sin to enter into the marriage? This brings out another difference between the scenarios of marrying an unbeliever, and divorce and remarriage. In the case of unscriptural divorce and remarriage, God would look upon any children produced as illegitimate, since the couple has no more sexual right to each other than two single people just shacking up.
Conclusion
If God so chooses, he can make it wrong for a Christian to marry an unbeliever, but if they do marry an unbeliever, wrong for them to separate. In this case, I Corinthians 9:15 proves he did just exactly that. It is only left to us to obey. While studying this question, please also consider the following other passages: I Corinthians 7:39, 15:33, Nehemiah 10:30, and Deuteronomy 7:3-4.
Reply
Keith Sharp
I readily confess that Pat’s argumentation is new to me and that I must pause to honestly reflect on it. He correctly begins from the premise that we must have divine authority for our actions and that when God specifies that He demands one alternative (Christian marry a Christian) that eliminates any other alternative (Christian marrying an unbeliever). Furthermore, this is the very reason polygamy is sinful. The Lord specifies that one man may marry one woman (Matthew 19:3-6; Mark 10:7-9; 1 Corinthians 7:2). The New Testament never condemns polygamy, but the Lord only authorizes monogamy.
However, I believe Brother Donahue’s argument breaks down under his own analysis. He argues, “…in the case of marrying an unbeliever, it is unlawful to enter into the union, but the union itself is not unlawful (I Corinthians 7:14).” It cannot be unlawful to enter a lawful relationship, and marriage between a Christian and an unbeliever is lawful (1 Corinthians 7:12-13), as Brother Pat agrees. All we have to do to prove that it is right for a man and woman to get married is to prove it is right for them to be married (1 Corinthians 7:2).
His supporting argument from David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel chapter 11) is not a parallel. David did not sin by marrying Bathsheba, for she was a widow when he married her, but he sinned by coveting a married woman (Exodus 20:17), by committing adultery with her (Exodus 20:14), and by murdering her husband Uriah (Exodus 20:13).
Yes, apparently some in Corinth thought it was sinful for a Christian to be married to an unbeliever. But the apostle’s command to remain with the unbelieving mate implies marrying that person was not a sin.
God can command whatever He wills, but He has not commanded Christians to marry Christians only.
Thus, First Corinthians 7:12-13 demonstrates that Paul is considering a special problem in First Corinthians 9:5, that of a preacher marrying an unbeliever, for that would make it necessary for the brethren to support an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 9:1-14). First Corinthians 7:12-13 is thus the authorization for a Christian to marry an unbeliever. It is a liberty but unwise.
