Question about Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage

Question

I believe that marriage and divorce may be the biggest problem in the Church today.

I appreciate the articles in “Meditate On These Things.” I will throw another view into the mix.

I believe I understand God’s law on this subject, but I could be wrong also. My only objective is to know what the Bible teaches.

I don’t have a bible verse for everything I believe, some are necessarily inferred, so if you have any help with verses, that will agree or disagree with me, please pass them on.

I BELIEVE

1. God joins us (male and female) together in marriage.
2. Man cannot un-join us.
3. Once God has joined us together only HE can un-join us.
4. God never un-joins both of us. He will only un-join the innocent partner or the Christian partner.
5. God will un-join the living partner at death of spouse.
6. God knows our hearts and will join us together when we (male and female) make a Covenant (commitment, vow, promise, agreement) to be husband and wife to each other.
7. God does not join us together unless he agrees with our Covenant and can sanction the marriage.
8. The Bible teachings(Gods Law) of Husband and Wife responsibilities must be in that covenant. He must be satisfied that you are going to fulfill your duties.
9. That God will NOT join us in marriage if our Covenant contains something that is against God’s Law. I once worked with a Woman who married a Man and made all the marriage vows except one. They agreed prior to marriage that, with permission, they could have sex with another person. I dont believe God sanctioned this marriage, so this was not a marriage in Gods eyes. It was a marriage according to the Law of the land.
10. God will only allow the un-joined partner to remarry in the case of death and fornication.
11. “Adultery” takes place when the Covenate (commitment, vow, promise, agreement) has been broken.
12. A man who beats his wife does not love her as Christ loved the Church Thus commits Adultery.
13. The Woman who witholds her self from the Husband commits Adultery.
14. If 12 and 13 cannot be worked out, they may divorce but must remain un-married.
15. A partner cannot cause Its spouse to commit fornication and be free to re-marry.
16. A partner cannot cause its spouse to commit Adultery and be free to divorce.
17. Lawful (Gods) sex is only between Husband and Wife all other is un-lawfull and is Fornication, married or not.

I hope you will re-read all pertinent verses with these beliefs in mind and see if they harmonize.

Answer
Keith Sharp

I agree that the deterioration of the home is the biggest problem facing both the church and our nation. Over 40 years ago two movements started pretty much simultaneously: “no fault” divorce and the women’s liberation movement. These have not just infiltrated local churches, they are taking over some. Women can force husbands to let them have their way in the home with the threat, stated or implied, that the wife will otherwise divorce the husband, get custody of the kids, and the former husband will simply become a checkbook for her and the kids. Her job outside the home, sometimes as a highly paid career woman, gives her independence to do as she pleases. The ones who suffer most are the children. It is a documented fact that because of this situation, many men are opting out of marriage entirely. Many in the world are turning to either casual sex or homosexuality. These are the tragic consequences of rejecting God’s plan for the home.

I will go over each of your points in order and cite the appropriate passages.

1. I agree – Genesis 2:21-24; Malachi 2:14; Matthew 19:4-6; Mark 10:6-9
2. This appears to be more theoretical than practical. Paul did say the wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives (Romans 7:2). Jesus gave an exception to this principle. Either mate may divorce (put away) his/her mate if that mate is guilty of “fornication” (Matthew 19:9, King James Version), i.e., “sexual immorality” (New King James Version, English Standard Version), “every kind of unlawful sexual intercourse” (William F. Arndt and F. Wilbur Gingrich, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament. 699). The Lord doesn’t command the innocent party to divorce the guilty fornicator, but He does allow it. In this case the innocent party breaks the tie with the guilty with divine approval.
3. I would say one mate may sever the tie only with divine permission without sinning (Matthew 19:4-6), and the only reason God allows is fornication (Matthew 19:9). This is the only verse in the New Testament that allows divorce with divine approval for any reason.
4. If a married person obtains a divorce even for a wrong reason, the Lord recognizes the two are separate and unmarried (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). The passage also demonstrates there is no difference scripturally between long term separation and divorce. That doesn’t mean He approves it, and it does not mean either has the divine right to remarry. We must have authority from the Lord for all we do (Colossians 3:17), and the only person with a living former mate whom the Lord permits to remarry is the innocent party who put away his/her mate because that mate was guilty of fornication (Matthew 19:9). The divine law on marriage applies equally to Christians ad aliens – it is for “whoever” (Matthew 19:9).
5. True – Matthew 22:23-30; Mark 12:18-25; Luke 20:27-36; Romans 7:2-3
6. Certainly our marriages, as well as every other segment of our lives, should be directed by the will of Christ. (Colossians 3:17). But I do not know any passage that teaches marriage has not really taken place if the covenant the couple makes is not in harmony with Scripture. They certainly sin by ignoring what the Lord requires (Colossians 3:17). For example, if I perform a wedding ceremony, the bride promises to obey her husband (Ephesians 5:22-24). I have heard ceremonies in which this was left out. A wife who doesn’t submit to her husband sins, and a husband who fails to love his wife also sins (Ephesians 5:25-33), but the failure to include that in the covenant vows doesn’t mean they are unmarried.
7. I think I replied above.
8. I think I replied above.
9. This couple did indeed make a sinful agreement (Hebrews 13:4), but the inference they are unmarried is not a necessary inference.
10. That is true (Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:39).
11. No. “Adultery” is by definition “unlawful intercourse with another’s wife” (Joseph Henry Thayer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament. 417). Adultery takes place in the bed (Hebrews 13:4).  Words must be taken in their ordinary, literal meaning, unless the context indicates otherwise, or else Scripture can mean whatever we want it to mean. Adultery is a species of fornication.
12. A man who beats his wife sins (Ephesians 5:25-33), but adultery takes place in the bed (Hebrews 13:4). Spousal abuse, whether by the husband or the wife, is not grounds for divorce or separation. It is grounds for calling the police and having the abuser arrested (Romans 13:1-7).
13. The woman who withholds herself from her husband sins, and so does the husband who withholds himself from his wife (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), but neither has committed adultery.
14. The only scriptural reason for divorce is fornication (Matthew 19:9).
15. I agree, but this is a matter of inference rather than direct statement. For example, a spouse who withholds himself/herself from the other spouse is sinning (1 Corinthians 7:3-5) and placing a stumbling block before the mate (Matthew 18:6-7). One cannot benefit from his own sins with divine approval.
16. See #15.
17. True (Hebrews 13:4).