Question
I am having difficulty on the issue of marriage. Some of our members, especially the new converts have not concluded their marriage rights as the custom is in this area. They have initiated the marriage by seeking the consent of their parents in-law to be, pending when they have the money to pay their bride price, and other family disagreements sometimes causes the delay in the payment.
Some brethren are of the opinion that the marriage of such is no marriage, but my understanding of 1Cor 7:1-2 is to checkmate fornication which I think any brother who has found a sister to marry, and have done the initial visitation to the woman’s family and have obtained consent can go on in that marriage. We do not stop there, we are always on their neck to fasten the process so that they could complete the marriage process.
Sometimes, some brethren are suggesting that such brethren should not take part in worship as in officiation, and that when children comes to them the church should not visit them As a young congregation, and as those deeply affected are the new converts, what do you advice? Is it wrong to ask questions on marriage and other issues before we baptize a convert? Is there any teaching you have on the matter?
Answer
Keith Sharp
Mountain Home, Arkansas, USA
I will briefly answer in principle. We should submit to the law of the land (Romans 13:1-7) and to the customs of our own people (Romans 12:17; 1 Corinthians 9:19-21), unless they contradict the law of the Lord (Acts 5:29). Follow this principle in dealing with Nigerian customs for marriage.
Further Answer
Ajayi S. Ojeva
Osogbo, Osun State, Nigeria
Marriage is honorable among all (Hebrews 13:4).We must comply with customs on marriage that do not violate the scriptures. We must owe no man anything including dowry (Romans 13:8). It is the sole prerogative of the father of the girl who is getting married to decide whether he would collect dowry or not. He may, for the convenience of the husband to be, decide to reduce items required for bride price (engagement) or even decide not take anything from the man. If the father of the girl has decided to give his daughter out in marriage without collecting anything from the man and hands her daughter over to the man for a wife and blessed them both, the marriage is scriptural.
This is not the same as introduction. Introduction is not marriage but just what it is called, introduction.
On the other hand, some family would give out their daughter to a man in marriage allowing the man to come back in future for the payment of the bride price. In such a case, just as the father has the right to forego bride price, he also has the right to defray payment of bride price. In all these cases, marriage is contracted already.
However, this should not be confused with a trial marriage whereby a father would give his daughter to a man to live with and study themselves. If they are compatible, the man would come and pay the bride price. And if not, he would return the girl to her father. This is fornication, not marriage.
