Author : William Stewart
reprinted from “…And They Shall Become One Flesh” available on Amazon.com in Kindle format.
Therefore just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. (Genesis 2:24-25)
Subjection Of The Wife
From the beginning, God has required a woman to be subject to her husband. Eve was made “a helper comparable to” Adam (Genesis 2:18). After the sin, in addition to pronouncing the consequence for her sin, God also reminded her of her role, “…your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” (Genesis 3:16). This was God’s will from the beginning, not a consequence of sin.
Paul used the wife’s submission to her husband as an illustration of the church’s submission to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22-24). The apostle addresses the nature of the submission, in stating, “…just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:24)
It is equally suitable for a wife to rebel against the word of her husband as it would be for the church to rebel against the word of the Lord.
Paul commands Titus to instruct the older women to instruct the younger women. They are to
“…admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” (Titus 2:4-5)
Notice the importance of women conducting themselves in their role appropriately – “that the word of God may not be blasphemed.”
Two things are specifically commanded with regard to her husband; she is to love (Gr. philandros, literally, be friend to man) and be obedient (Gr. hupotasso, literally subordinate, in subjection, submit self unto) to him. The other traits mentioned (loving children, discreet, chaste, homemakers, good) will develop as she gives attention to loving and being obedient to her husband. In commanding her to be a homemaker (KJV, keepers at home), Paul is not saying that she cannot work outside the home (ie. the virtuous woman, Priscilla, Lydia, etc.), but that her primary concern is to be the keeping of the home.
Peter, in a discussion of a woman’s submission to her husband emphasized the need for her to appropriately adorn herself – display the beauty which is “the hidden person of the heart.” He reveals,
“…in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.” (1 Peter 3:4-5)
Solomon also addressed in several proverbs by way of contrast the spirit in which a woman ought to conduct herself (Proverbs 9:13; 11:16, 22; 12:4; 14:1; 21:9, 19; 27:15).
It is essential to understand, a woman is subject to her own husband, not to all men. I have authority over my wife, not another man’s wife. The CEO of a company has authority, but it is beyond the scope of his authority to issue commands to the employees of another company. The wife is subject to the elders of a local church, and to the men in regard to spiritual service, but their authority over her does not extend beyond the scope off that particular realm.
Headship Of The Husband
Paul states,
“…the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church…” (Ephesians 5:23)
Excuse the pun, but gentlemen, don’t let that go to your head.
The man is charges with a role of leadership. An effective leader takes into account those who are entrusted to him. That is precisely the picture we see of Jesus in Paul’s instruction. Notice that Jesus:
- “…loved the church and gave Himself for her…” (Ephesians 5:25)
- Worked to “…sanctify and cleanse her…” (Ephesians 5:26)
- Caused her to be “…a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle…” (Ephesians 5:27)
- Led her to be “…holy and without blemish.” (Ephesians 5:27)
Men, it is a high calling to be the head of our wives. Jesus had authority and acknowledged such (Matthew 28:18-20), but it is important that we examine His conduct. He did what was for the benefit of His bride. He lived for her, He died for her, and rose again from the grave for her. He said of Himself,
“…the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” (Matthew 20:28; Mark 10:45)
Too many husbands are here to be served rather than to serve.
Ephesians 5 focuses on a man’s responsibility to love his wife, and do what is for her good, especially with regard to spiritual things. He also has a responsibility regarding his wife’s physical needs. 1 Timothy 5:8 reads,
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
A man providing for his family is not just an “old fashion” custom; it is a God’given command! In fact, the apostle goes so far as to say,
“If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10)
Colossians 3:19 simply says,
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”
This word bitter (Gr. pikraino) is used in contrast to the word sweet (see Revelation 10:9-10; James 3:11). Men must approach their wives with the right disposition – she is to be a cause of joy and gratitude to God, not perceived as a nuisance or trouble to be endured.
Honour, Love, Respect
I think every weeding ceremony I’ve been to, and know for certain that every wedding I’ve officiated, has contained these three words – honour, love and respect.
Romans 13:13 says we should render “honor to whom honor.” Contextually, it is obvious that the marriage relationship was not the thought on Paul’s mind, and yet honour is an essential part of marriages. Peter compels husbands to
“…dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel…” (1 Peter 3:7)
She is to be highly valued, precious in his sight, and showered with his esteem and dignity.
Ephesians 5:25 commands the husband to love his wife. The Greek word used is agapao, which addresses a love of moral obligation more than emotion. And yet, one cannot read of the Lord’s love and service for the church without acknowledging His affection for her. Likewise, emotion is a component of the husband’s agapao love for his wife.
The wife is commanded to love her husband in Titus 2:4-5. The love here is different from that which is used in Ephesians 5:25. This is philandros love. It is rooted in fondness and affection. A woman is commanded to be affectionate and to display warmth to her husband. Consider this in light of what God commanded Eve, “…your desire shall be for your husband…” (Genesis 3:16). The Hebrew word used here is tashuwqah, defined by Strong’s as “…stretching out after, a longing : desire.”
At the close of Paul’s discussion about the marriage relationship in Ephesians 5, he made the statement,
“…let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33)
Though the Greek word used is phobeo (from which we get our English phobia), don’t misunderstand. She is not to have a sense of terror with regard to her husband, but to be in awe of him, to revere him. It is the equivalent and return of his honour to her.
Parenting
This is not a lesson on parenting, and yet it is the case that children will eventually come in almost every marriage. Thus, we would be remiss if we did not address at least briefly the roles and responsibilities which fall to the husband (father) and wife (mother) when children come along. The sometimes heard sentiment that raising children is the woman’s job could not be further from the truth. Effective (and biblical) parenting requires both parents doing their part.
Certainly, the woman has an important role to fill. Paul encouraged that younger widows “…marry, bear children, guide the house…” (1 Timothy 5:14).
Titus 2:4 has the older women teaching the younger “…to love their children…” It was Timothy’s mother and grandmother whom Paul praised for raising such a find young man (2 Timothy 1:5). If a mother does not actively and effectively participate with her husband in training their children, Proverbs 29:15 reveals that the child will “bring shame to his mother.”
As much as a responsibility for parenting lies with the woman, the Scriptures actually address the father more than the mother with regard to his duty. Especially through the book of Proverbs, we see instruction given by Solomon to his son about parenthood. Note the instruction was given to his son, not to his son’s wife.
In Ephesians 6:4, fathers are commanded,
“…do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Parallel to this, Colossians 3:21 reads,
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Fathers are responsible for the training and esteem of their children. The dad who has no time or attention for his children has transgressed God’s plan for the family.
Notice how Paul characterized the conduct of himself and his companions with regard to those who had just obeyed the gospel in Thessalonica. He wrote:
“…we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. So affectionately longing for you … you know how we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children…” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11)
What a beautiful picture of the parental role. May we enact it in our homes, for our children’s and our own sake.
