Author : William Stewart
reprinted from “…And They Shall Become One Flesh”
available on Amazon.com in Kindle format.
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Mark 10:6-9)
Marital Intimacy
God recognized that man needed companionship; a kinship differing in nature and structure than the fellowship he shared with his Creator, and something that reached beyond the relationship which he could share with the other creatures of God’s creation. A union with one who was neither superior nor inferior to himself, but his equal. The LORD stated:
It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him. (Genesis 2:18)
Adam and Eve were the first married couple, together as man and wife from the very beginning. Their relationship was an intriguing and unique situation – they were specifically made for one another. Though they were two distinct persons, they were as close to being “one flesh” physically as any couple could be. Adam declared of Eve:
This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2:23)
Unlike any other couple, Adam and Eve began their life together before sin entered the world. They were able to share the intimacy which God intended for marriage in absolute perfection, unobstructed by the cumbering nature of sin.
Describing the intimacy of marriage, God said that “…the two shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). There are still two individuals, with two distinct personalities, but they compliment and complete one another. The closeness which is to develop between spouses cannot be compared to any other human relationship. All aspects of life – socially, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically are part and parcel of the intimacy of marriage. Your spouse is your best friend; the one to share your fears, hopes and dreams with; an ever-present spiritual and intellectual companion; and your lover.
Genesis 2:25 reads, “…they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.” This is no doubt an indication of their innocence, but might I also suggest that it reveals the degree of comfort, familiarity and acceptability which ought to exist between husband and wife. If one is not physically at ease with a spouse, then an element of the intimacy which God has devised in the marriage relationship is missing (Song of Solomon 5:10-16; 7:1-6).
Extended Family
Being the first persons on the earth, neither Adam or Eve had parents to depart from. However, from the very beginning God provided this vital piece of instruction leading to a successful marriage.
It is essential that we appreciate the nature of marital intimacy, and thus “..become one flesh..” with our spouse, but if we have ignored the primary clause of Genesis 2:24, we have surely doomed our relationship to something less than God has planned. The LORD said, “…a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife…” This implies that:
- the primary human relationship is no longer parental, but spousal;
- living accommodations are the couple’s, not with parents;
- financial independence to meet the needs (not wants) of life is essential.
Though the command is directed to the man in Genesis 2:24, both man and woman must leave father and mother. It is necessary if they are to become one. Rachel left with Abraham’s servant to go and be wife to Isaac (Genesis 24:34-51). Jacob remained in the house of Laban, his father-in-law for 20 years, which was accompanied with various troubles (Genesis 29-31).
Leaving father and mother is not a dissolving of our relationship to them, but a shift in their level of involvement in our lives. We are still responsible to honour them (Matthew 15:4; 1 Timothy 5:4, 8). They may help out here and there, make good suggestions, etc., but it must be understood by all involved, husband, wife, and both sets of parents that they ARE NOT participants in the marriage. Parents have no right or authority to make decisions for their married children. Parents should not attempt to meddle in their children’s marriages, and the children should not allow their parents to do so. Troubles are on the horizon when an in-law sticks a nose where it doesn’t belong.
Effects Of Sin
What a blessing it must have been to dwell together as husband and wife in a time when sin had not entered the world. There were only two commandments to follow; be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28), and do not eat from the tree in the midst of the garden (Genesis 2:17).
Sadly, things were about to fall apart. Satan is a destroyer of relationships. His primary goal is to separate us from God, and in the process will manipulate and destroy our relationships.
The serpent sought to alter the woman’s understanding of what God had said, and he succeeded. Being convinced of a lie, she took of fruit and ate, and then gave it to her husband also (Genesis 3:6). There are a number of questions which we might ask, but simply cannot know the answer to. Was the woman alone when the serpent came? Why was she not stronger in her understanding of God’s command? Why did Adam take the fruit from Eve?
Sin had entered the world. These two, who before were described as being naked and not ashamed (Genesis 2:25) now “…knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings” (Genesis 3:7). They, who formerly had communed with the LORD now “…hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees…” (Genesis 3:8).
Naked, ashamed and guilty, they stood before the LORD in their sin. God asked Adam, “Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?” (Genesis 3:11). Notice his response. It was not, “yes”. It was not, “guilty as charged”. He said, “The woman whom You gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I ate” (Genesis 3:12). Rather than take responsibility for his own actions, Adam blamed his wife. Instead of a spirit of thankfulness to the Lord for Eve, there is a spirit of bitterness and ill will. Though she was given to him as a helper and companion, Adam saw fit to make her a scapegoat. When we do so, aside from avoiding personal responsibility, we help Satan to tear down the very relationship which God has blessed us with.
When sin entered the relationship, things changed. Self-preservation and saving face took the place of loving, nourishing and cherishing (Ephesians 5:28-29). Their sin resulted in the loss of their home (Genesis 3:23-24). In childbearing, which is a great cause of rejoicing, she (and all women after her) would experience sorrow and pain (Genesis 3:16). The ease of life which he formerly enjoyed in the garden would be no more. He would labour and toil and sweat to provide for his family (Genesis 3:17-19). The innocence which they once enjoyed was lost (Genesis 3:22). Sin had turned their world and their lives together upside down.
God forbid that sin in any manner should challenge our marriage. Yet understand that Satan is a roaring lion, seeking to devour (1 Peter 5:8). The marriage relationship is not “off limits” to Satan. If he can destroy a couple, he will. We must determine to be “one flesh”, even, perhaps especially, amidst time of turmoil and difficulty due to sin. Never ignore sin, do not hide it, but address and overcome it as one.
Roles Of Husband And Wife
In the discussion of the respective roles of men and women in marriage, some women become quite defensive. This is generally not a response to what the Bible says about the role of husband and wife, but to how some men have abused and misrepresented such. Let us notice briefly the distinct roles of husband and wife from Scripture:
- Woman was made as “a helper comparable to him.” (Genesis 2:18, 20)
- She was made from “..one of his ribs..” (Genesis 2:21), not from the top of his head, nor from the sole of his foot.
- “Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16). This was not a punishment imposed upon the woman, but a restatement of her God-given role.
- The woman is to submit to her husband in the same fashion that the church is to submit to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). Equally, the husband is to love the wife, just as the Lord has loved the church (Ephesians 5:25-29). When each properly fills the role which God has given, there is wonderful harmony. The woman will want to submit to her husband, because she knows that he seeks her best interest. And, the man will act in the best interest of his wife, knowing that she trusts and respects him as she ought (Ephesians 5:33).
Headship, which belongs to man in the marriage relationship, is a position of authority and responsibility. A common misconception by both men and women is that headship equates to greater value. This is simply not true. Notice, Paul tells us that “…the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3). Is Jesus of less value than the Father? Absolutely not. The Lord said, “I and My Father are one” (John 10:30). He claimed equality with God (John 5:17-18; 10:33), and indeed, Jesus is equal with the Father. Yet, though He is equal in nature, He is subject to the Father with regard to His role.
A woman is as inferior to her husband as the Lord Jesus is to His Father. It has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority; but is about respective roles.
