The apostle Paul by inspiration of the Holy Spirit and with the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ commanded, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). This passage summarizes the spiritual obligations fathers have to their children.

The word “training” denotes
the whole training and education of children [which relates to the cultivation of mind and morals, and employs for this purpose now commands and admonitions, now reproof and punishment (Thayer. 473).
There are three distinct and important aspects of raising children that fall under the general head of “training”: example, restraint from wrong, and punishment for misbehavior. Let’s look at the third component of training children, punishment for misbehavior.

Western Society (Europe, Canada, and, to a lesser degree, the United States) is dominated by secular humanism. The Bible is ignored, even scoffed at, as a standard.

The result is that people in general have accepted the notion that spanking children is “child abuse.” Most equate a parent spanking a misbehaving child with one child hitting another. Of course, this ignores the biblical concept of parental authority (Ephesians 6:1-3).

This humanistic concept is taught in colleges and universities to those who go into “social work” and is even codified into law in some countries and U.S. States. You may live where it is illegal to spank children. You might be in danger of having your children taken away from you by civil authorities if you spank them. This is especially true if you take in foster children or try to adopt.

Should parent spank their children when they misbehave?

The writer of Hebrews compares our training by God to the training a good father gives his son (Hebrews 12:5-11). The word translated “training” in Ephesians 6:4 is found in various forms eight times in this passage. This scripture, though primarily teaching how God trains us, teaches several important truths about training children, since it uses the training a loving father gives his son as an example of how God treats His children.

Training includes both rebuking (verse 5) and scourging (verse 6). When children do wrong, we should rebuke them for the wrong and then punish them to enforce the rebuke. Thus, chastening (punishing) children for misbehavior is not an act of vengeance but an important part of their training (education).

This training is proof the father loves his child (verse 6). In fact, a father who fails to punish his child is treating the child as though it is not a legitimate member of the family (verses 7-8).

Proper chastening, far from being abuse, is good for children. As the result of this kind of training, children will respect their fathers (verse 9). Chastening is unpleasant at the time it is administered but later produces peace and righteousness (verse 11). Thus, the failure to punish misbehaving children is child abuse. It is neglect, in fact the worst form of neglect, neglect of character training.

These facts demonstrate that principles found in the book of Proverbs, though a part of the Old Testament, are still true.

“He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs13:24). Don’t say you love your child too much to spank him. Biblical love is doing good to others (1 John 3:16-18). When you fail to correct a misbehaving child, you are showing hate rather than love to the child. God disciplines us because He loves us, and fathers do the same to their children (Proverbs 3:12). Since you are acting through love and for the welfare of the child, you will not abuse (injure) him. Discipline him while he is young enough that it will affect his character and quickly enough after the misbehavior that he understands the point. My pet dog Dixie could be trained to understand “No.” Your child may be young, but if he can understand “No,” it is time to start training.

“Chasten your son while there is hope, And do not set your heart on his destruction” (Proverbs 19:18). If you wait too long to start disciplining your child, it may be too late. His character may be set as selfish and undisciplined. The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes.

King David had a handsome son named Adonijah whom David never corrected (1 Kings 1:5-6). Though Solomon was selected by David to be his successor and was crowned king, Adonijah plotted to get the throne (1 Kings1:7-53; 2:13-22). It got him killed (1 Kings 2:23-25). His failure to learn self-restraint by being corrected by his father caused his destruction.

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15). If you want your child to quit his foolish behavior, punish him when he acts foolishly.

“Do not withhold correction from a child, For if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, And deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14). The “rod” stands for punishment. Since you are punishing him through love for his benefit, you will not injure him, though he may think otherwise. But you will save his soul from hell!

The rod and rebuke give wisdom, But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother (Proverbs 29:15). It takes both punishment and rebuke. Don’t punish him without telling him what he has done wrong. Have you seen children running through a store screaming and annoying everyone? They are bringing shame upon their mother. They are screaming, “Our mother doesn’t love us, or she wouldn’t let us behave this way!” Mother, help your husband discipline the children. Don’t take their side against him or leave it all to him.

“Correct your son, and he will give you rest; Yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17). Do your children drive you half insane and give you no rest? Do not allow them to continue to challenge your authority. If your punishment is not strong enough, soon enough, and consistent enough to change both their behavior and attitude, you have accomplished nothing. You can make them delights to your soul and save their souls by chastening them.

Does this mean all punishment for the misbehavior of children must be physical? Must we literally spank them with a literal rod? The Lord promised to punish the sins of the royal descendants of David “with the rod of men and with the blows of the sons of men” (2 Samuel 7:14; cf. Psalm 89:32). Obviously, the word “rod” is used figuratively to represent punishment. Job pleaded of the Lord, “Let Him take his rod away from me” (Job 9:34). Job was not literally beaten with a rod but endured great adversity. The term is used again in this way in Job 21:9. David prophesied that God would break those who opposed Messiah “with a rod of iron” (Psalm 2:9). Undoubtedly this is a figure for punishment. Solomon observed that a fool’s mouth contains “a rod of pride” (Proverbs 14:3). Surely no one thinks a fool has a literal rod protruding from his mouth.

The Proverbs are in the style of Hebrew poetry, which had as its basic characteristic parallelism, the repetition of an idea in different words. In two of the passages where the term “rod” is found, the other line reveals what it represents. The rod stands for “discipline” (Proverbs 13:24), and “correction” (Proverbs 23:13).

Likewise, the word “chastening,” in both the Old and New Testaments, includes all forms of punishment, not just physical (Deuteronomy 11:2; Job 5:17; 34:31; Proverbs 3:11; Isaiah 26:16; Hebrews 12:5,7).

Parents are acting properly, obeying the Lord, and demonstrating love for their children when they spank them for misbehavior without injuring them. In most cases no other punishment is as effective for children, especially small children, as an immediate spanking that brings tears without injuring, a rebuke for the misbehavior, and a hug to reassure the little one he is loved. Civil governments which forbid this are arrogantly setting aside the law of God and persecuting Christians when they enforce laws against all physical punishment of children (cf. Acts 5:27-29).

But parents need not endanger themselves and their children by insisting on spanking if civil law forbids it. They are still obeying God and loving their children if they use alternate forms of punishment.

Work Cited

Thayer, J.H. A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament.